Thursday, March 13, 2008

JMCR's Official VP Endorsement

With all the buzz about who J-tron is going to select as a running mate, JMCR took the liberty of suggesting 10 very eligible, very robotic potential v.p.'s for Mr. McCain-ical:

#1 Naomi Campbell- She can help pick up the female vote and the black vote while simultaneously boosting national security given her inclination towards throwing objects. We would advise the NYTimes staff to buy helmets before they try to Iseman him again. (yes, that's really her)

#2 Street Performers That Paint Themselves Silver and Act Like Robots- Given their affinity for popping-and/or-locking, they're sure to woo the black vote and their ubiquity in all major international cities (particularly in front of museums) will improve our reputation abroad.

#3 Al Gore- Provides McCain-ical street cred with liberal, hippie fucks (i.e this blog's base). Robots with a heart of gold, saving polar bears and taking names.

#4 Ron Popeil- He will save the economy. Forget fireside chats, this guy is on TV at all hours of the day doing his part to sell rotisseries and end the recession. It's the american hero ticket.

#5 Keith Richards- Cindy McCain needs an in (white) house connect and he ol' like j-tron.

#6 Fidel Castro- The man needs a new job, and by comparison, his decrepit physique will help McCain capture the youth vote.

#7 Larry King- Other than looking like an extraterrestrial, the man is singlehandedly upholding the sacred institution of marriage with seven weddings to six different wives...McCain's two look like the paragon of clean conservative living (except for when his wife stole money from her charities to buy drugs...small snag).

#8 Eliot Spitzer- Putting a twist on sex scandals in the White House...and he needs a job asap.

#9 Charles Krauthammer- For all of those out there who question McCain's conservatism, here is a dude who will steer him right (and we mean way right), towards wars with Pakistan, Iran, Ecuador, Democrats, the ACLU, and the Brookings Institute.

#10 Rock'em Sock'em Robots- They may not be real, but hey, neither is John McCain.


Brendan said...

#4, definitely. "JUST SET IT! AND FORGET IT!"

Alison said...

Fidel has been battery operated for years, I think it would be a good match. They can buy the giant packs of AAs from Costco to save money.