Monday, September 29, 2008


Maureen Dowd has been barred from J-tron's Straight Talk Express aeroplane. 
She lost a pill-snorting match to Cindy and then stole McCainical's teeth. When she tried to remove the protective vinyl cover from the couch it was too much for the McCains too handle. 

Friday, September 26, 2008

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Ghost Writer

No, this is not about PBS children's programming.

It's about something far more juvenile–the McCain campaign.

Use your imagination! Be creative! Explore the possibilities!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

We Want Some Mo'

Say what you want about Mo, sometimes she gets it right:

"It’s hard to imagine that John McCain and Sarah Palin still want advice from the Unwise Man Kissinger. It’s sort of like villagers in those old movies who bring in the wizened witch doctor to shake a stick over them."

The rest....

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Is it just me or does it look like The View ladies are about to pounce and devour former President Bill Clinton? It's like that video with all the crocodiles, lions, and water buffalo at the watering hole (Barbara Walters is obviously the crocodile, I just love those snappy leathery faces).

Monday, September 22, 2008

We Thought of It FIRST!


This aired on Friday. We thought of it first. 


The original impetus for this blog was the assumption that Senator John McCain was actually a robot controlled by Karl Rove.

In the months that followed, as we attempted to chronicle the various robotic aspects of J-tron, C-3PO (Cindy), other republican assholes, and most recently Sarah.... it seemed as though Karl was conspicuously absent. In fact, just a few months ago, I remember kind of missing him.

However, these days, he appears to be back in full force. Now, does it make me just a little smug to know my original hypothesis was correct? Sure, a little.

Frank Rich does a good job of distilling Karl's kontribution to the current incarnation of J-tron and his campaign. My favorite bit:

"For all his fiery calls last week for a Wall Street crackdown, McCain opposed the very regulations that might have helped avert the current catastrophe. In 1999, he supported a law co-authored by Gramm (and ultimately signed by Bill Clinton) that revoked the New Deal reforms intended to prevent commercial banks, insurance companies and investment banks from mingling their businesses. Equally laughable is the McCain-Palin ticket’s born-again outrage over the greed of Wall Street C.E.O.’s. When McCain’s chief financial surrogate, Fiorina, was fired as Hewlett-Packard’s chief executive after a 50 percent drop in shareholders’ value and 20,000 pink slips, she took home a package worth $42 million. "

People forget that Karl Rove is not the first to come up with the notion that creating a political environment where, if a lie is repeated enough by enough people, it automatically becomes the truth. Adolf Hitler did that too and things turned out just peachy there.

Friday, September 19, 2008

An Alaskan Silver Lining

Its easy to get b(l)ogged down in all of the crazy shit that's out there sometimes.

Obama was down in the polls, now he's up, but could still go back down. McCain's response to the latest gloom and doom scenario from Wall Street was lame at best, dangerous at worst. He's out there now talking about how more government involvement is just the ticket, when he spent his entire political career challenging government interference (I know they both start with the letter I, but they're really not the same word). I wonder if there are stats out there about how many new prescriptions for Xanax have been filled and how many of those are election related?

These are uncertain times to be sure, but its important to take stock of the silver linings. And there are some out there. I just recieved an email replete with pictures from the largest rally in Alaska state history. They put a smile on my face, so here's one that will hopefully do the same for all you readers out there:

Robots And More Robots (the new Pirates?)

WE THE ROBOTS is the official cartoon of JMCR, for those of you who are not regular readers.

Its a cartoon about robots....this is a blog about a robot.....I'm sure we'll be very happy together.

Oddly, Bob's anti-evil totem and my anti-J-tron totem look strangely alike. You know, kind of a Tina Fey/Sarah Palin thing.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

What's the Difference Between a Blogger and a Blogger with Lipstick?

One of us is in law school and the other has a jobby job, so sometimes we are too busy to write fun things to read.

George Saunders is not in law school and he works for the New Yorker, so sometimes he is busy writing fun things for us to read.

Thank you Mr.Saunders for doing your job. A fruit basket is coming your way

Monday, September 15, 2008

Krinkle Bearcat

Ever wonder what it would be like to be a Palin? Sometimes I do. 

At 22 years old I'd probably be pregnant with my third child, divorced from my first husband (just say no to crystalmeth), and trying to get my mom to hook me up with a state per diem allowance to chill in my own house....

Well a girl can dream....and with the help of the Palin family name generator I'm that much closer to the real thing. Give it a whirl:

Emily "Krinkle Bearcat" Achler, signing off. 

And if John McCain were a part of the family? Steam Fangs. No joke. 

What Happened?

Perhaps this question is redundant, but it keeps appearing for a reason: What exactly happened to the John McCain of the 2000 election? The veritable maverick who was the unpolitician of his time.

Once upon a time before this decade went down the commode, John McCain was described as a candidate who acted "somewhat in the ballpark of a real human being". Today we can say R.I.P. to David Foster Wallace, who wrote these words (an uncanny predicate to this blog) in his famous coverage of the old (as in, previous version of, not the, decrepit as we know him) McCain. We can, and have, said R.I.P. to the old McCain a long time ago. 

This is a funeral of sorts. The mourning of a politician who used to genuinely inspire and tell the truth. A man who did put his country first and himself last while suffering in a Hanoi prison. This was someone who pierced the cynical heart of Americans, especially after he was taken down by the political machine he set out to fight.

But now we have McCain 2.0. 

No longer spright, we have an aged McCain who has turned negative, smug, and uninspiring. A candidate who makes choices that appease and makes statements that are disconcerting.

No doubt this country is at a loss. Thankfully, there is someone else to fill McCain 1.0's shoes.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Aging: Change We Can Believe In

Don't know that much about old people? Do they really crap their pants? Are driving accidents caused by the elderly under-reported? And what's the deal with their constant voter turnout?

All these questions and more are answered in a Slate special report: Geezers-A Special Issue on Old People. In honor of the oldest presidential nominee in the history of the United States, they delve into a myriad of issues ranging from incontinence to what it feels like to be 100 years old. 

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "But John McCain is a robot. How much information can I learn about him from reading these articles?" Well, as it turns out, old people and robots have a lot more in common than you would think. So start reading and start relating. 

Remember, aging is the real change we can believe in. 

Drill Baby Drill

Duh, robots like drills.

With so much fun to be had, what's stopping us?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The Problems With Pigs and Lipsticks

America's economic, energy, and national security woes are no match for subpar animal metaphors. Or for that matter a Tina Fey/Karen Walker combo of a governor from the least populated state in the union that was only created to act as a buffer between Russia and North America during the heady days of the Cold War. Did I mention that listening to her voice makes me long for the days of Hillary's tired and strained warble?

Governor Palin has referred to herself as both a barracuda and a pitbull (but its ok cause she wears lipstick), but the Palin campaign (oh right, I mean McCain campaign, oops) is now up in arms over a third animal analogy made by Senator Obama. 

The happy go lucky 24 hour news cycles were quick to seize on this perceived gaffe. Obama is a sexist pig for calling her a pig. Well I say McCain is a sexist pig for being a coward and not selecting pro-choice droopy dog wonder Lieberman for his running mate, choosing Sarah "my family can make private choices but others can't" Palin, and acquiescing to the agents of intolerance that control his party. 

Anyway, someone should tell Sarah that lipstick is so passe. Its all about stains and glosses. Women's rights, ya'll....

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Q: How is Cindy dealing with the new woman in J's life?

A: A shit load of pain meds. Below we see Cindy's personal crate o' vicodin being delivered to the Xcel Center in St. Paul. How else do you explain the color of the suit she wore last week?

Play Nice

J-tron has a new friend and now he's like all awkward in front of the ladies in his life. Who does he hug first, Miss Cindy or the Bulldog with Lipstick? 

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When trying to act human, do as the humans do.

NYT darling Elisabeth Bumiller (siiigh) explains it further: 

Mr. McCain’s closest adviser, Mark Salter, insisted that there had been no behind-the-scenes stage direction — “Nobody said, ‘Cindy first’ ” — and that no one in the campaign had discussed hugging etiquette or protocol between Mr. McCain and Ms. Palin. “They’re going to behave like normal human beings,” he said. “Nobody ever told him, ‘Just shake hands.’ ”

Behaving like normal human beings? Good luck. 

Monday, September 8, 2008

And That's Why You Always Leave a Note

Keith Olbermann loves Arrested Development–and so does JMCR.
Keith Olbermann thinks Sarah Palin is a joke–and so does JMCR.

Now pay attention.

Marry me.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Come Back

We're coming back with regularly scheduled blogging. Stay tuned!